导读:许多85、90后都有这样一个问题，他们是父母眼中的好孩子，但是却缺少作为一个独立的人所需的心理成熟，即使到了而立之年仍然依赖父母，没有自己的主见。
Why are you always relying on your parents? Can’t you make your own decisions by yourself? These are some of the questions that Zhao Ming (pseudonym),27, often encountered before his recent breakup with his girlfriend.
你为什么总是依赖你的父母？你就不能自己做决定吗？这是27岁的赵明（音）最近和女朋友分手前遇到的一些问题。
Having worked in Beijing since he graduated from university two years ago, Zhao’s has had three failed relationships.
从两年前大学毕业在北京工作以来，赵明已经有了三段无疾而终的感情。
The reasons, according to his latest ex-girlfriend, are that he is "too childish" and "not husband material." He is used to the labels. Several of his friends call him "a big boy." However, recently, they started to use the new popular term "big baby."
而原因，据他最近一任前女友表示，他“太幼稚”、“不是当丈夫的料”。赵明已经习惯了这些标签。他的几个朋友叫他“大男孩”。然而，最近他们开始使用一个最新流行词汇“巨婴”。
The term "big baby" refers to an adult who still behaves like a child: young and immature. Immaturity is not uncommon among Chinese in the post-80s and 90s generation.
“巨婴”指的一个仍然表现得像小孩的成人：年轻、不成熟。在后85后和90后中国人之间，不成熟并不少见。
The topic has become the center of attention on Chinese social media after famous Chinese psychologist Wu Zhihong’s book Country of Big Babies was published recently.
而在中国著名心理学家武志红的新书《巨婴国》最近出版之后，这一话题更是成为了中国社交媒体上关注的焦点。
A new TV reality show called Chinese-styled Blind Date where parents help to choose dates for their adult children has also added fuel to the already heated online debate.
而最近一部名为《中国式相亲》的真人秀节目更是为这一网上早已白热化的讨论火上浇油，在节目中父母给他们成年的孩子挑选相亲。
Zhao is a perfect son in his parents’ eyes: kind, smart, hardworking and obedient. He talks to his mom almost every day, and every time he has a difficulty or a decision to make, he would discuss it with his parents.
在父母眼中赵明是一个完美的儿子：善良、聪明、勤奋、听话。他几乎每天都会和他妈妈谈话，而每当他遇到困难、或者需要作出决定的时候，他就会和他父母商议。
"He tells his parents everything. It made me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed," said Zhao’s ex-girlfriend Emily Liu. "He doesn’t have a mind of his own."
赵明的前女友小刘说道：“他什么事儿都跟他爸妈说。这让我觉得非常不舒服、很尴尬。他没有自己的头脑。”
Zhao asks his parents for advice on what birthday gift to buy her and even discusses how to make up with Liu after a quarrel with her.
赵明会询问自己的父母给她买什么生日礼物，吵架后甚至还会和父母讨论如何跟她和好，
"It sometimes felt like I was dating his parents, not him," she said.
她说道：“那有时候让我觉得我是在和他父母谈恋爱，而不是他。”
Liu also cannot stand that Zhao barely does housework. When the couple lived together, it’s always Liu that washed his clothes, tidied up the apartment and cooked meals
小刘也不能忍受赵明几乎不做家务。当这对情侣住在一起的时候，总是小刘在洗他的衣服、收拾房间和做饭。
Fed up with being his "babysitter," she finally left him. "Yes, he is sweet and kind, but what I need is a real man, not a big boy," Liu said.
厌倦了当赵明的“保姆”，小刘最终决定离开他。她说道：“是的，他人很不错、很善良，但是我需要的是一个真正的男人，而不是一个大男孩。”
Zhao’s life mirrors that of many young Chinese. Ma Zezhong, a psychologist and the executive director of the Beijing Association for Mental Health, said that compared with the post-60s and 70s generation, the younger generation tends to be less mentally and emotionally mature than their age would suggest. The primary factor stunting their development, he said, was a lack of individuality.
赵明的生活反映出了许多中国年轻人的现状。据心理学家、北京心理健康协会执行主任马泽中（音）表示说，和65后和70后相比，年轻一代在精神和感情上不具备他们年龄应有的成熟。据他表示，阻碍他们发展的最主要因素是缺乏个性。
According to Ma, the reason for this immaturity is complex, but family, education and social environment play a big role. As only children, many post-80s and 90s Chinese were spoiled or overly protected growing up, which is one of the factors that leads to their slow mental growth.
据马泽中表示，导致这种不成熟的原因非常复杂，但是家庭、教育和社会环境在其中发挥了巨大的作用。作为独生子女，许多85、90后中国人在溺爱和过度保护中长大，这是导致他们心理成长缓慢的原因之一。
The way that parents treat their children is essential for their mental development. Liu Guo, a Chinese psychological consultant working in the US, agrees. She thinks it’s also a cultural thing.
父母们对待孩子的方式对孩子的心理成长至关重要。在美国工作的心理咨询师刘国（音）同意这一看法。她认为这也是一种有关文化的东西。
"Take myself as an example. I’m about 30 years old, and my mom who still lives in China often tells me what I should do and treats me like a child. In the US culture and a healthy family, my mom’s behavior would’ve been considered as boundary crossing because I’m an adult and can make my own decisions," Guo explained.
刘国解释道：“以我自己为例。我大约30岁，而我仍然住在中国的母亲经常告诉我应该做些什么，把我当成小孩一样对待。在美国文化背景下一个健康的家庭里，我母亲的行为会被视为过境了，因为我是一个成人了，可以自己做决定。”
She knows it is the way her mother shows love for her, but she finds it hard to accept.
她知道这是母亲爱她的一种方式，但她觉得很难接受。
However, Ma stresses that that everyone has a little child inside them and big babies should not be completely ignored. He said it is important for people to acknowledge and accept their immaturity so that they can make changes and push themselves to grow up.
但是马泽中强调， 每个人心中都有一个小孩，而不应该完全无视巨婴。马泽中表示，重要的是人们要承认并接受自己的不成熟，如此一来他们才可以做出改变、推动自己长大。
As to how to combat the arrested psychological development of China’s young, Ma suggests that individuals socialize more to to enrich their life experience so that their personality and individuality can develop and improve themselves so that they can become more mature and wise.
至于如何解决中国年轻人心理成长滞后的问题，马泽中建议人们应该进行更多社交活动、丰富他们的人生经验，如此一来他们的人格和个性就可以发展，提高自己、变得更加成熟和明智。
"Think positive. Go out and join more social communities. Experience more and read more so that the kid inside will grow up."
“积极思考。走出家门、加入更多的社会团体。多读、多感，让心里的小孩长大。”
