Performing under pressure, whether it’s me or anybody else, is the same. You know, I have the same pressures as anyone else. There’s time, there’s performance, there’s financial. I mean, there’s deadlines. My pressures are not unique. Everybody has the same kinds of pressures. But what I found, or, what I find fascinating is the interpretation of the stimuli.
Let me explain. So, I was watching the Olympics, this last summer Olympics, and I was amazed at how bad the questions were that the reporters would ask all the athletes. And, almost always, they would ask the same questions whether they were about to compete, or after they competed: “Were you nervous?” Right? And to a tee, all the athletes went – no! Right? And what I realised is it’s not that they’re not nervous, it’s their interpretation of what’s happening in their bodies. I mean, what happens when you’re nervous? Right, your heart rate starts to go, you know, you sort of get a little tense, get a little sweaty. You have expectation of what’s coming and we interpret that as “I’m nervous”. Now what’s the interpretation of excited? Your heart rate starts to go, you’re anticipating what’s coming, you get a little, sort of like tense. It’s all the same thing, it’s the same stimuli.
Except these athletes, these Olympic quality athletes, have learned to interpret the stimuli that the rest of us would say as nervous, as excited. They all said the same thing: “No, I’m not nervous, I’m excited.” And so, I’ve actually practiced it just to tell myself when I start to get nervous, that this is excitement, you know. And so, when I used to speak in front of a large audience and somebody would say: “How do you feel?” I used to say: “A little nervous”. Now when somebody says: “How do you feel?”, I’m like: “Pretty excited, actually.”. And it came from just, sort of, telling myself no, no, no, this is excitement. And it becomes a little bit automatic later on. But it’s kind of a remarkable thing. To deal with pressure by interpreting what your body is experiencing as excitement, rather than nerves. And it’s really, kind of effective. It makes you want to rush forward, rather than pull back. And yet, it’s the same experience.
Encourage others to talk about themselves
Be a great listener and encourage others to talk about themselves. So in the book, Carnegie explains that he once attended a dinner party where he met a botanist, a botanist is someone that studies plants, and he found this person to be absolutely fascinating, so he listened for hours with excitement as the botanist spoke about exotic plants, indoor gardens etc, until the party ended and everyone left.
Now before leaving, the botanist told the host of the party that Carnegie was the most interesting conversationalist that he had ever met in his entire life, and paid him several compliments. That's funny, because Carnegie had hardly said anything at all, what he did that was significant was he listened intently, he listened because he was genuinely interested.
Even the most ill-tempered person with the most violent personality will often be subdued in the presence of somebody who's patient, somebody who's a sympathetic listener. The funny thing is though, is that most of us are so concerned with what we're gonna say next that we don't truly listen when someone's speaking.
So remember that people we are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their own problems than they are in us and our own problems. But the next best thing to talking about themselves is talking about the things that they enjoy. A great story from the book comes from Theodore Roosevelt, whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he would stay up late the night before, reading up on whatever subject he knew particularly interested his guests. That's because Roosevelt was keenly aware that the Royal Road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.
If we spend all of our time trying to impress people and get them to be interested in us, we'll never have many true sincere friends. But if instead we go out of our way to do things for others, things that require time, energy unselfishness, if we greet people with sincere enthusiasm, to show them that we're excited to be there with them to talk to them, we'll find much more success in cultivating friendships. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
We like people who show interest in us who admire us, and so to make people like us, we must show genuine interest in them. Try as hard as you can to see things from the other person's perspective, one of the fundamental keys to successful human relations is understanding that other people may be completely wrong, but they don't think they are. If we ask ourselves how would I feel or reactive if I were in their shoes. If we think that first we'll save ourselves a lot of time and a ton of frustration, because we'll better understand their perspective.
Success in dealing with people relies on being able to have a clear grasp of that person's viewpoint. Accept that person's viewpoint, try to understand it, determine what you say by what you want to hear if you are in their shoes. The next time you're about to ask someone to buy your product or buy your service or contribute to your favorite charity, or to do you a favor, pause first, make a list of the reasons you want them to do it, and a list of reasons that they would want to do it.
When you're writing your email or your website copy or opening up a conversation, only mention the reasons from their list and not one of them from your list. Some great takeaways here, you want to win friends and influence people, a simple smile can go a long way, learn that it's never about you, don't give orders, ask questions, be a great listener, and encourage others to talk about themselves, become genuinely interested in other people.
