I’ve had a complicated relationship with that word, ‘community.’
我和“组织”这个词的关系有些复杂。
I’ve been slow to embrace it. I’ve been hesitant. I’ve been doubtful.
我曾踌躇，曾犹豫不决，曾满腹疑虑。
For many years I could not or would not accept that there was anything in that word for someone like me.
多年来，我都不能或者无法接受那个词汇里会包括我这样的人。
Like connection and support, strength, warmth.
这个词里有人和人之间的关系，支持，力量和温暖。
And there are reasons for that.
我这么说是有原因的。
I wasn’t born in this country.
我出生在别的国家。
I didn’t grow up in any one particular religion.
没有在特定的宗教环境中长大。
I have a mixed-race background, and I’m gay.
我是混血血统，并且我是同性恋。
Really, it’s just your typical all-American boy next door.
真的，我只是一个典型的美国邻家男孩。
It has been natural to see myself as an individual.
把自我当成一个独立的个体是很自然的事。
It’s been a challenge to imagine that self as part of something larger.
但把自我想象成某个集体里的一员则是种挑战。
Like many of you here tonight, I grew up in what I would call survival mode.
和今晚在做的人一样，我把我的成长称为“生存模式”。
When you’re in survival mode, your focus is on getting through the day in one piece, and when you’re in that mode at 5, at 10, at 15, there isn’t a lot of space for words like ‘community,’ for words like ‘us’ and ‘we.’
当你进入生存模式，你的注意力集中在如何使自己完好无损不受伤害的度过每一天。当这种模式持续5年，10年，15年，你的生活里就没有多少空间给像“组织，我们”这样的词。
There’s only space for ‘I’ and ‘me.’
唯一的空间只剩下我和自己。
In fact, words like ‘us’ and ‘we’ not only sounded foreign to me at 5 and 10 and 15, they sounded like a lie.
事实上，“我们”这个词在我5岁，10岁，15岁时听起来不仅就像是外语，而且听起来更像是个谎言。
Because if ‘us’ and ‘we’ really existed, if there was really someone out there watching and listening and caring, then I would have been rescued by now.
因为如果“我们”真的存在，如果真的有人在看在听在关心，那我早就该被拯救了。
That feeling of being singular and different and alone carried over into my 20s and into my 30s.
那种被当做孤僻另类的感觉，一直伴随我到20岁，30岁。
When I was 33, I started working on a TV show that was successful not only here in the States, but also abroad, which meant over the next 4 years, I was traveling to Asia, to the Middle East, to Europe, and everywhere in between, and in that time, I gave thousands of interviews.
当我33岁时，我开始出演电视剧，不仅在美国而且在海外也很成功。这意味着接下来四年，我经常在亚洲，中东，欧洲，世界各地做宣传，那时我接受了无数的采访。
I had multiple opportunities to speak my truth, which is that I was gay, but I chose not to.
我曾有很多机会说出我是同性恋的事实，但是我选择了沉默。
I was out privately to family and friends, to the people I’d learned to trust over time, but professionally, publicly I was not.
私下里，在我家人，好朋友和值得信任的人面前我坦言我是同性恋。但是在工作上和公众面前，我说不是。
Asked to choose between being out of integrity and out of the closet, I chose the former.
在隐瞒和宣布出柜之间，我选择了前者。
