又是一年记者协会晚宴，“相声表演艺术家”奥巴马进行了他在白宫小剧场的“封箱演出”。他都讲了什么段子、抖了哪些包袱？一起来看。
1. 吐槽总统卸任后的赚钱方式
"If this material works well, I'm gonna use it at Goldman Sachs next year. Earn me some serious Tubmans."
如果我今天的演讲很出彩，我计划明年到高盛再讲一遍，赚点零花儿。
2. 评论自己迟到
"I do apologize, I know I was a little late tonight. I was running on CPT -- which stands for jokes that white people should not make."
抱歉我今晚迟到了一会儿，我是按照CPT时间来的。这是白人不能讲的笑话。
（Colored People Time，即有色人种时间，指“黑人总迟到”的刻板思维）
3. 预测下一任总统
"Next year at this time, someone else will be standing here in this very spot. And it's anyone's guess who she will be."
明年这个时候，会有另一个人站在这个地方。有谁知道她会是谁么。
（用she暗指希拉里·克林顿可能当选）
4. 评论民主党总统参选人伯尼·桑德斯
"We've got the bright new face of the Democratic Party here tonight, Mr. Bernie Sanders! Bernie, you look like a million bucks. Or to put it in terms you'll understand, you look like 37,000 donations of $27 each."
民主党的全新面孔今晚也来到了现场——伯尼·桑德斯先生！伯尼，你气色真不错/看起来像百万美元。或者用你更易于理解的话说，你看起来像3.7万份27美元的捐款。
（伯尼·桑德斯的竞选基金主要来自普通捐款人，人均捐款数是27美元）
5. 提到伯尼·桑德斯与自己的差异
"I am a little hurt that you're distancing yourself from me, Bernie. That's not something you do to your comrade."
伯尼，你一直在跟我保持距离，这让我有点伤心啊。你不该这样对待你的革命战友。
（虽然同为民主党，但伯尼·桑德斯是一个社会主义者）
6. 评论自己的支持率上升
"In my final year, my approval ratings keep going up. The last time I was this high, I was trying to decide on my major."
任内最后一年，我的支持率一直在上升。我上次这么飘飘然，还是在我大学选专业的时候。
（曾有报道称奥巴马上学时吸毒成瘾）
7. 吐槽唐纳德·特朗普的经营策略
"There's one area where Donald's experience could be invaluable, and that's closing Guantanamo. Because Trump knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground."
有一个领域，唐纳德的经验会非常有用，那就是关闭关塔那摩监狱——因为在把水景地产搞砸这方面，特朗普还是挺在行的。
8. 评论特朗普未到现场
"I am a little hurt he's not here tonight. We had so much fun the last time. And it is surprising -- you have a room full of reporters, celebrities, cameras. And he says no. Is this dinner too tacky for The Donald? What could he be possibly doing instead? Eating a Trump Steak? Tweeting out insults to Angela Merkel? What's he doing?"
唐纳德今晚没来我有点小伤心，上次我们玩得那么开心。奇怪啊，今晚这么多记者、名人在场，这么多摄像机，他竟然不来。唐纳德是嫌弃我们的晚宴太土吗？那他现在在干嘛？在吃特朗普牛排？在推特上黑默克尔？还是干嘛呢？
9. 调侃特朗普不懂外交的梗
"They say Donald lacks the foreign policy experience to be president, but in fairness, he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world -- Miss Sweden, Miss Argentina, Miss Azerbaijan."
大家都说唐纳德缺乏当总统所需的外交经验，不过公平来讲，这些年他一直在跟各国领袖/领先者/第一名们接触——什么瑞典小姐啊，阿根廷小姐啊，阿塞拜疆小姐啊。
10. 拿前纽约市长跟特朗普比较
"I see Mike Bloomberg. Mike, a combative, controversial New York billionaire is leading the GOP primary and it's not you. That has to sting a little bit. Although it's not an entirely fair comparison between you and the Donald. After all, Mike was a big city mayor, he knows policy in-depth. And he's actually worth the amount of money that he says he is."
我看到迈克·布隆伯格也在现场。迈克，一个斗志昂扬、充满争议的纽约亿万富豪（这里指特朗普）正在领跑共和党初选，而这人竟然不是你。你肯定会感觉不太舒服吧。当然，拿你跟特朗普相提并论不太妥当。毕竟迈克当过大城市的市长，对政策有深入了解，而且他的身家没有注过水。
（暗讽特朗普不懂政策，吹嘘自己的身家达上百亿）
